My Parents Needed $6,000 To Save Their House. I Refused To Empty My Savings.
AITAH for refusing to give my (24F) parents (46F, 49M) $6,000 to save their house?
Hi Reddit, it’s been a very stressful last few days and although I am fairly confident with my decision, I am still racked with guilt and it seems like everyone is angry with me.
Some backstory (I apologize if it’s long, there is a lot of relevant info):
Growing up we lived in a pretty nice middle class house,
This is the house we live in now. They still don’t have a mortgage, but my mom is on disability and my dad is the sole provider and doesn’t make a ton of money (my guess is $65-$70k a year). My brothers still live at the house with my parents- one is 20 (fake name but I’ll call him Aaron) and the younger one is 16 (George), while my sister (Alexis 23) and I are out of the house with our partners.
For the past 5 years my parents haven’t been paying their property taxes for whatever reason. In 2022-2023 my dad had to file bankruptcy due to not paying property taxes and they’ve had hefty bankruptcy payments each month since then, which led to them not being able to pay for their current property taxes (or at least that’s their reason).
Last December, my dad told me that there were people who had been trying to buy the property taxes from them and that they needed to go to court to settle it. He had asked me for $600 for lawyer fees,
which I said yes to. They had to file bankruptcy under my mom’s name this time to be able to pay off their property taxes monthly and protect the house. They had a family meeting with all of us after their court date in December 2025 and explained the situation, and that it was resolved and the house was safe now and that they signed a contract.
I should also point out that my parents still owe me $500 ($300 from the lawyer fees from last year and $200 other money I lent them).
Flash forward to now. Yesterday my parents asked to talk with me alone and told me that there are people (same ones from before) who are trying to buy my parents' property taxes since they haven’t paid them in 6 years. They said their lawyer messaged them on Thursday evening (September 3) basically telling them that they HAD to pay the $6000 at the upcoming court case on wed September 8 or they will be facing eviction, and that the deed of the house will go to the people who want to buy our property taxes. According to my parents, they had told the lawyer many times that they will pay off the $6000 when my dad gets his upcoming settlement, which isn’t for another 2 months. They said that up until last Thursday, the lawyer said that it should be fine, but now all of a sudden they need to come up with all of this money.
The $6000 is going directly towards their 2025 property taxes (which I’m guessing wasn’t lumped into their bankruptcy), and they knew eventually they’d have to pay this, they just didn’t realize how soon and without the money my dad will be receiving.
They claim that their lawyer never said that the 2025 taxes didn’t need to be paid at this hearing until last Thursday, and that there was a loophole in the bankruptcy contract because the people trying to buy our property taxes are doing everything they can to get ahold of this house.
I told them that I have $2,000 in my checking account, which I did offer, but the rest of my money is in a long-term savings account that I don’t ever take my money out of. I told them that I needed some time to think, but I knew that taking money from my long-term savings account would cross a HUGE boundary for me.
They’ve asked to borrow money from me before (never this big of an amount), and I have suspicion that my mom has stolen money from me before too, so I’m actually working right now in therapy to set financial boundaries in place so I don’t get taken advantage of.
I did want to help them out and I truly did feel horrible and still feel shitty, but I decided that I can only do the $2,000 from my checking and not pull from my savings.
My parents were VERY clear that if they don’t pay this $6,000 by tomorrow in court, the deed to our house will be given to the people who buy our property taxes and the house will no longer be ours and we will be evicted.
When they talked with just me, I asked if I could at least talk with my siblings to get support from them. My mom was very against this and wanted this to stay between me, my dad, and my mom, but my dad said that he wants to tell them what is going on but to leave my little brother out of it.
They told me that they can write up a contract with their lawyer and guarantee that they will pay me back in 2 months when my dad receives the settlement from getting hurt at work. They were also saying that they will pay interest on top of what they’d owe me, so they’d give me an extra $300 in 2 months when they pay me back.
The rest of the settlement money is (supposedly) going to go to the $30k that they owe in property taxes, so they can finally pay off all of the bankruptcy payments and start actually putting money away for their property taxes starting in January.
I told them that I would think about it.
About an hour later I pulled Aaron and Alexis outside and just started to vent and freak out. I told them what was going on, about how our parents will lose the house if they don’t get this money in by court, and how they are expecting me to give them the full $6,000 from my savings.
They were pretty stressed too, but they did ultimately agree that if I don’t think giving them $6,000 is the best decision for myself financially, we will have to find another way to get the money. I started making a GoFundMe and messaging a lot of people to get it pushed out there. Aaron was talking about selling his car and said he’d contribute $2000, and Alexis said that she could possibly ask her boyfriend to help with the payment. Aaron and I both agreed that we would put in $2,000 each, so we needed to come up with $2,000 somewhere. My sister thought that we should have a family meeting later yesterday evening so we can all get on the same page with the situation and figure out where we are going to get this money from.
I was SOO anxious to do this family meeting, because up until this point I hadn’t told my parents that I wasn’t taking $4,000 out of my savings account.
So we all sit around for the family meeting yesterday evening and my mom starts throwing shade at me for getting my siblings involved and how it’s not fair to them.
In response, my siblings all told my mom that they SHOULD have the right to know if they’re going to be homeless by the end of the week and that I shouldn’t be the only one carrying all of this financial stress.
I cut to the point and told them that I am not comfortable paying $6,000 by taking money from my savings, but I will give them everything in my checking account (the $2,000), and Aaron said he will give another $2,000.
My mom immediately got SO defensive. She said that I was being selfish, that the reason for having a savings account is for emergencies like this, and that I have no heart if I’m willing to throw my family out on the street since I have the means to fix this. She also said that the money I have is “just sitting” and I’m “not using it now anyways” and that I’m not struggling as much as they are essentially.
I told her that we are coming up with solutions that don’t involve just me paying the $6,000, and that we just need to figure out where we are going to get another $2,000 from.
She told us that if we don’t have every single penny that we might as well not even try because they will lose the house either way.
We all started giving solutions. Aaron said that he can sell his old car or his video game collection, I told them that I started a GoFundMe, even George said that he’ll pitch in $1,000 of his own money that he’s been saving for a while now through side hustles since he doesn’t have a job. Regardless of all of the brainstorming, my mom just kept on going back to how she is in disbelief that I would do this to our family and how she thought I’d want to help out.
My siblings were defending me by saying that I’m still helping out with the $2,000, and that ultimately it’s my money and I should have the right to decide not to take from my savings even if my parents disagree.
Then my mom started berating me and saying that it’s not fair that I won’t help my parents out financially but if my boyfriend “wants a $3,000 kayak tomorrow you’d give him the money in a heartbeat,” which is just NOT true. I repeated that I don’t ever take money out of my savings account for anyone and that it’s for buying a house in the near future, my boyfriend is not an exception to this.
She said that my boyfriend hasn’t had a job for 3 months and that she knows I’m paying everything for him. I’ve told her this SO many times before (and I really shouldn’t have even argued back because she knows this), but he worked HARD to save every bit of money and he put 6 months of rent, food, and emergency funds away so he could take a couple months off of work for his mental health.
After this my dad said that we’re taking a break because of how heated my mom was getting and that him and my mom need to talk alone. My siblings and I went outside and I literally just broke down sobbing. I was asking them if I was in the wrong, if I should just suck it up and give them the $6,000 even though it feels so wrong to me?? They all supported me and told me that I’m doing the right thing and that we will get this figured out and there are more options than just me giving them the $6,000.
We went back inside after a bit and my dad had called my grandparents (his mom and dad) to ask if he could borrow money and they agreed to let him borrow $1,500. So with my $2,000, Aaron’s $2,000, George’s $1,000, and $1500 from my grandparents, they had more than enough money to get this settled.
I know they are still VERY upset and disappointed with me, but I’m honestly really upset with them that I was put into such a hard position.
But I’m also really upset with myself and I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being selfish, and that I should sacrifice what I have to keep my family’s home from being taken away.
I’m mad that my siblings and I were even put into this situation. I mean this is their house and I’m happy to help, but I feel like I need to protect myself financially too.
I know I did the right thing for me, but at what cost?
My parents think I’m selfish and my siblings probably resent me getting them involved.
After everything in these last 24 hours, I know I need some distance from my parents for my own mental health. I texted my therapist the situation and her (and also my boyfriend) felt that I shouldn’t even give them $2,000 because they haven’t paid me back before so many times, but ultimately the decision was mine to make.
My therapist messaged me this morning that she was really proud of me for honoring myself, but I feel really ashamed if anything.
I think it’s also important to add that I genuinely love my parents and I am very close with my immediate family. I go over to my parents’ house multiple times a week since I have my garden there and to hang out with my siblings and only live 30 minutes away.
My parents don’t always ask me for money, but when they have, it’s never been for anything close to $6,000.
I’m very generous and I’ve never turned them down if they ask to borrow money from me before. I truly just feel like this was too big of an ask.
The only reason I don’t know if I’m the asshole is because of how dire the situation really was.
I should also mention that my parents do have some form of substance abuse, although I don’t know the exact extent of it. Last year they both had surgeries and their alcohol use has gotten increasingly worse.
My mom brings around a plastic disposable water bottle filled with vodka wherever she goes, and my siblings and I have accidentally drank out of it before.
I know that they both take prescription pain pills, but I’ve overheard them talking about buying them too. My dad was saying to my mom, “I know we need them (pills) but $1,300 a month is getting to be too much. You need to talk to your doctor and get on a larger dosage.” They both take Ambien at night and my mom takes Xanax throughout the day. My mom gets so messed up (and I’m talking about in the middle of the day) to the point where she starts slurring her words and she’ll literally fall asleep standing up (not even exaggerating).
I feel like it’s important to mention these things to show the dynamic of my family and the struggles that my parents go through and what my siblings and I witness every day we are around them.
So Reddit, AITA for refusing to give my parents the full $6,000 from my savings when I had the ability to potentially access it, even though there was a genuine possibility that they could lose their home?
I genuinely want honest opinions. I know my siblings, boyfriend, and therapist all support me, but they’re people who know me and love me. I want to know how this looks from an outside perspective.
UPDATE:
Everything is fine now. There was a hiccup with the money situation yesterday morning, but my sister’s boyfriend agreed to help and we were able to bridge the gap.
I went to the bank and took out $2,000 for my parents and my brother came to pick it up while I was at work.
My dad went to go pay the $6,000 in 2025 property taxes this morning and he successfully did so. He even texted a picture of the receipt and texted this:
“Thank you so much guys. Wouldn't have done it without you all.
I feel so bad for pulling all of my younger siblings and my grandparents and now my sister’s boyfriend into this mess but I’m way more upset with my parents for putting us all into this boat. I am telling my parents that I won’t be lending out money from here on out for ANY reason, and giving myself some serious distance from them too. Aaron has started looking at apartments to move out soon and my little brother is distancing himself from my parents a lot too.
I did let them borrow the $2000, which I know is very controversial and I know it wasn’t in my best financial interest either. I wanted to contribute what I could to save the house without dipping into my savings. My siblings and I have talked about have a serious discussion with my parents about selling this house and buying a different house with less property taxes or getting a condo or something. My parent’s house is honestly pretty small and not in the greatest shape, but the location is gold and in VERY high demand. If they moved even just a town over, they’d be able to buy a house for way cheaper than what they can sell their house for and the property taxes will most likely be less too.
I did read some of your comments about looking into disability programs for property taxes and i will definitely be checking those out! My parents are still pretty young (late 40s) and I’m not sure if there’s an age cap to those programs, but either way I will check them out.
Thank you for all of the support and helpful advice! All of you have made me realize how toxic this environment is, and going forward I am really going to filter the type of energy I allow into my life.
